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  • Writer's pictureDove

The Truth About Open Relationships

Updated: Apr 7

Have you opened yourself up to an open relationship, only to find it's now destroying your soul?

I'll cut to the chase, the reason is obvious -

By nature, intimate relationships are meant to be


You heard me correctly.

In spite of the social conventions of the day that suggest otherwise - healthy couples require boundaries that create a 'couple bubble' around the relationship.

This 'bubble' will help you protect each other and keep your relationship safe.

Protecting your relationship in turn protects yourself, your children if you have them, your family as a unit and stunningly -

Civilization itself.

We'll get to that later.

Born This Way

Prohibitions about relationships go back to the dawn of time.

In fact, moral laws about them are "written on our hearts."

In the Book of Romans, St. Paul refers to the natural moral law that's inscribed within our human hearts and is accessible by reason alone.

"Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law. They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them." Romans 2:14-15

This means that deep down inside, we all know right from wrong, no excuses.

Every human being is endowed with an innate knowledge of God's law, which informs our conscience.

The implication of this means that each of us has sufficient knowledge to judge what is right from what is wrong, even if we chose to reject it.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

The reality is, sin blunts our conscience and makes us morally stupid.

The more we succumb to the temptation to sin, the more difficult it becomes for us to recognize how depraved we are.

"A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is alright." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The more we reject the pangs of conscience that are stirred within us when we do wrong, the more corrupted we become in thought and behavior.

Sin Makes Society Stupid

Do you remember the question, "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?"

The answer is worth considering.

It describes decisions made by an individual due to social pressure, known as groupthink.

This phenomena generally occurs when a strong leader is present, encouraging people to do something that might not correspond to their morals.

People "go along with the crowd" the majority of the time in order to fit in, and to avoid being excluded from the group.

Individuals who see evil for what it is can be ostracized or labeled as 'bigots' and 'close-minded' for recognizing atrocities like abortion, indoctrinating children with gender ideology or the sin of sexual immorality.

Just as individuals can become corrupted by sin, so can society.

Collectively, the social framework is so impaired today it has lost its grip on moral reality.

Given this fact, referring back to the bridge analogy and social influence;

Don't jump.

The Fate of Civilization

According to1930's Oxford anthropologist J.D. Unwin, who exhaustively studied eighty "uncivilized" cultures and contrasted them with sixteen "civilized" ones covering more than 4,000 years in his book Sex and Culture ;

Western civilization may be headed for destruction.

Unwin found that when strict heterosexual monogamy was practiced, society flourished in the arts, sciences and technology.

But as people rebelled against sexual prohibitions, including pre-marital, adulterous and homosexual relationships, moving away from focusing on nurturing the family for the pursuit of self-gratification, it resulted in the decline and eventual destruction of the civilization,

every time.

Remarkably, Unwin never found any exceptions to this trend.

This process of degeneration generally takes place within three generations of a society's movement away from monogamy.

This means we are dangerously close to the brink of collapse.

Cause and Effect

Sometimes, suffering people seek affirmation when what they need is absolution.

As a therapist, I have compassion for emotional suffering, especially when it's caused by circumstances beyond our control, including other people.

But there are times suffering is caused by our own behavior, and there are times we cause others to suffer for our choices too.

As illustrated by Unwin, the further we drift from monogamy individually and collectively, the greater the collapse of the family and ultimately civilization itself.

While our choices may seem personal, the truth is;

Our behavior has a communal effect.

Do the Right Thing

If your heart has been broken and your soul crushed by an open relationship,

get out and get help.

Therapy is a great place to start, but if you are drawn to a life of habitual sin you will likely need spiritual direction and counsel too.

Overcoming the pain of betrayal and feelings of jealousy will take time.

You may never be able to pick up the pieces of your shattered relationship and put them back together in the same way again.

But personal healing is possible, if you have learned the truth about open relationships;

That they are a lie.

They are a dressed-up way of sanctioning betrayal,

Which eventually destroys everything,

every time.

You are designed for more.

You are designed for love.

If you have been tempted to open up your relationship, it will likely be the kiss of death.

Let me spare you the heartache;

I have never seen anyone escape the pain of betrayal and feelings of jealousy created by open relationships. They come at a great price.

Think carefully

Before you jump.


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